just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
