Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
How did I end up in the pool?!
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WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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