I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
