It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize