I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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