You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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