someone threw a dead crab at me
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
this boner is exhausting
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
