How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
