dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
