I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
