He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
