It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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