If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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