hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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