Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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