The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
