My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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