is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
