Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
