I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
