well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
