Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
