yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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