I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
