He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
