9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
