Define "chronic" masturbator.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
