he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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