I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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