I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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