So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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