Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
