He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
