I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
