i think i recognize dicks better than faces
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
