The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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