so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize