with your own penis?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
