exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
