I want you more than these girls want KFC
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
