Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
