I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
The air taste purple.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
