the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
