wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
