He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
