eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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