I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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