Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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