what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
