there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I stole a fireplace last night.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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