That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
