its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
