So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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