Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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