you guys were way drunker than both of me
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
