Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
