I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
