Nicole vs. Life
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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