apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
