from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
