I skipped work to stalk him.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
