she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
