My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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