apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
