You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
