Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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