Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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