gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
