You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
