marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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