thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
