is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
