Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
