so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm at about main and main street
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
