you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
