Can i not drive my cunt home
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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