shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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