last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
