I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
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