i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
