I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wish i was in the wii world.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Text me some of your sweat
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
