party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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