Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
