You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
