:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
