I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
