I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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