Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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