I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
