am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
