well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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