We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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