next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
