i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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