I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
