he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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