I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
