got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
